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A Better You Means Better Chances for Your Kids

Understanding Addiction: A Guide for Parents, Part 3

 

See: Part 1  Part 2

 

Kids can smell inauthenticity a mile away. Are you asking them to do something you aren't willing to do yourself? Change starts with you.

 

But first, we need to establish this: You are enough. You are already enough. I already know this because you are here, looking for how to help your teen have a better life.

 

If this seems to be contradictory to say "you need to improve" and "you are enough" at the same time, it’s not. Because we are talking about two different things here. The core of who you are is one part. Your core is good. Your being human, and always learning, is another. And this is good too.

 

 

Psychologies, religions, and philosophies talk about it in many different ways. Internal & external. Innate & learned. Spirit & body. However you think about it, it’s important to keep the two straight.

 

Core

Your core, who you really are, is enough. Of immeasurable value. Untouchable. A solid foundation to build on. If you don’t know your foundation, what is there to build on? Most people don’t know this part of themselves very well. I challenge you to increase your understanding of who you are.

 

Being Human

If all you know of yourself (and your value) is external, then you are dependent on other people’s words and actions. You feel the need to prove your value. It's exhausting. And other people are horrible judges of what has value. Storytime: The artist Van Gogh had less than a handful of people who cared about him while he lived. Now, a few pieces of colored canvas he left behind are valued as literally beyond price. If people had cared while he was alive, what more could he have contributed???

 

Your being human is a place where you “add on.” You have a core of value, so where you are starting from is good– no matter where you are starting right now. It’s not about how far you are on the path, it’s the direction you are facing. Even 1% in the right direction is statistically proven to make a massive difference. Learning adds to you, and everyone around you. Call it improvement. Call it making mistakes. Call it change. Make the most of it. This is an opportunity. Seize it.

 

“My kid is the one struggling,” you say, “not me.”

 

BS.

 

We are all struggling with something. You’re saying you aren’t isn’t being honest or helpful. Teens can smell inauthenticity a mile away. That may be why they aren’t listening to you. And it’s the time of life when they are figuring out how to live and survive independently, so your words have less influence. What you DO, however, influences more. They are watching you closely. What are you modeling to them?

 

Side Note: Obedience is not the same thing as honor. You can't force genuine honor. Don’t confuse the two.

 

Are you asking them to change? What are you changing in your life?

Are you asking them to take on something difficult? What is something really hard that you need to take on, that you’ve been avoiding?

 

It starts with you.

 

And me! I’m in this learning and growing life thing too! It’s good to have guides and people in life to help us. Let’s talk.